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A small descriptive story I wrote...

[Reply] #1
10-27-2008 04:00 AM
Joined: 09-10-2008
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SHIT_HAPPENS
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As I was walking out into the small parking lot bloodied up with my lip feeling numb, my eye aching, and my head vibrating.. which occured from a fight. I fought for a girl that I liked since she was getting hit by fat and bulky bullies, as I saw what they were doing.. I quickly yelled at them to stop them from doing what they are doing. Suddenly all 3 of them ganged up on me pushing me back into a wall making me feel like my stomach was being pulled in because I was so nervous.
Once they have beaten me up I was just lying on the cold tarmac feeling ashamed and angry, it was cold.. my eyes would squint so they wouldn’t freeze and my fingertips felt like I was putting them into a pile of snow.
I then got up and ran to an abandoned and dark parking lot to think and ponder on why I even tried to help the girl. The wind started to become faster as my hair swept over my eyes and my arms crossed to give myself warmth..then I felt a nice fur coat jacket being put over me.
It was the girl I liked, she was covering my shivering body up with an extra jacket she had.. she then gave me a hug and made me feel like i’m at home. I could smell her nice orange and rose like perfume as she hugged me.
We both suddenly hugged eachother tight as I wrapped my arms around her, then we looked at eachother like we’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. She put her cold hands on my cheek and was slowly closing her eyes and pulling her face towards me.. I did the same thing and we connected our cold lips, the feeling of the kiss was like a very cold and wet feeling at the start of the kiss.. but when we relaxed the wetness and coldness feeling was gone. I had felt like everything that happened to me was fake and someone unexpectingly saved me from myself.

I remeber writing this story at the age of 13 just for fun...lol.


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[Reply] #2
10-27-2008 04:01 AM
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Sir Dudlington
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Great Job!

[Reply] #3
10-27-2008 04:02 AM
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SHIT_HAPPENS
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shanepiom wrote: Great Job!


Thanks, I wrote this 7 years ago..


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Why don’t you just say what you really want to say. - “please shut up, don’t make me think”. - Gplex

[Reply] #4
10-27-2008 05:49 AM
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S.W.I.F.T
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I can do better ! Seriously i can... smiley


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[Reply] #5
10-27-2008 09:34 AM
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AK-4Deception
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Swift-D wrote: I can do better ! Seriously i can... smiley



lol.

I doubt I can


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[Reply] #6
10-27-2008 06:36 PM
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SHIT_HAPPENS
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Swift-D wrote: I can do better ! Seriously i can... smiley


Then again this was from when I was 13 years old, so I don’t write like this anymore...but I doun’t doubt you can do good!


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Why don’t you just say what you really want to say. - “please shut up, don’t make me think”. - Gplex

[Reply] #7
10-27-2008 06:42 PM
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The Power Within
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lol i can do better than this

just gotta open up the dictionary and search for long adjectives


lol


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[Reply] #8
10-27-2008 06:43 PM
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SHIT_HAPPENS
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The Power Within wrote: lol i can do better than this

just gotta open up the dictionary and search for long adjectives


lol


lol, I don’t doubt that you could... but then again this is from when I was 13.


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Why don’t you just say what you really want to say. - “please shut up, don’t make me think”. - Gplex

[Reply] #9
10-28-2008 12:15 AM
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Tippership Commander
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HE WAS 13, then, so now, many ppl could easily write beter..

i wish i wrote stories, i’ve have so many good ideas..

too bad, i’m a physics person, not a author...

still....


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[Reply] #10
10-28-2008 12:24 AM
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SHIT_HAPPENS
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Tippership Commander wrote: HE WAS 13, then, so now, many ppl could easily write beter..

i wish i wrote stories, i’ve have so many good ideas..

too bad, i’m a physics person, not a author...

still....


I find physics harder than ever for some odd reason!


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Why don’t you just say what you really want to say. - “please shut up, don’t make me think”. - Gplex

[Reply] #11
11-26-2008 12:55 PM
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bored24-7
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well if you wrote it at 13 i think you did a good job.
try writing something else now i bet your literary skills have improved.

[Reply] #12
02-02-2009 07:11 PM
Nhica
Guest

Nice story hope na sana you create more. congrats....

[Reply] #13
02-02-2009 09:25 PM
sfydfydfydfydfydfydfydfydfyd
Guest

asdyddddddddddddddddduasy

[Reply] #14
02-02-2009 09:27 PM
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ebm
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eh


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[Reply] #15
02-02-2009 10:02 PM
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The
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You introduced new facts at really weird moments in the sentence. Idk it just felt strange to read.

A bit crap but you were 13 I guess.

[Reply] #16
02-02-2009 10:43 PM
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SHIT_HAPPENS
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Cool, someone bumbed my 2 month old thread!


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Why don’t you just say what you really want to say. - “please shut up, don’t make me think”. - Gplex

[Reply] #17
05-10-2009 05:08 PM
machael small
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As I was walking out into the small parking lot bloodied up with my lip feeling numb, my eye aching, and my head vibrating.. which occured from a fight. I fought for a girl that I liked since she was getting hit by fat and bulky bullies, as I saw what they were doing.. I quickly yelled at them to stop them from doing what they are doing. Suddenly all 3 of them ganged up on me pushing me back into a wall making me feel like my stomach was being pulled in because I was so nervous.
Once they have beaten me up I was just lying on the cold tarmac feeling ashamed and angry, it was cold.. my eyes would squint so they wouldn’t freeze and my fingertips felt like I was putting them into a pile of snow.
I then got up and ran to an abandoned and dark parking lot to think and ponder on why I even tried to help the girl. The wind started to become faster as my hair swept over my eyes and my arms crossed to give myself warmth..then I felt a nice fur coat jacket being put over me.
It was the girl I liked, she was covering my shivering body up with an extra jacket she had.. she then gave me a hug and made me feel like i’m at home. I could smell her nice orange and rose like perfume as she hugged me.
We both suddenly hugged eachother tight as I wrapped my arms around her, then we looked at eachother like we’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. She put her cold hands on my cheek and was slowly closing her eyes and pulling her face towards me.. I did the same thing and we connected our cold lips, the feeling of the kiss was like a very cold and wet feeling at the start of the kiss.. but when we relaxed the wetness and coldness feeling was gone. I had felt like everything that happened to me was fake and someone unexpectingly saved me from myself.

[Reply] #18
05-10-2009 05:15 PM
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The Surfer
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What was the point of repeating it?


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[Reply] #19
06-18-2009 11:49 AM
Rigles
Guest

that is so lol i would even do better than u and im 11. U are alright at writing i suppose but better not get ur hopes up! anyway i spose i gota say congrats so thats ur applause! Bye Rigles Out

[Reply] #20
06-18-2009 07:03 PM
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Corpse
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SHIT_HAPPENS wrote: As I was walking out into the small parking lot bloodied up with my lip feeling numb, my eye aching, and my head vibrating.. which occured from a fight. I fought for a girl that I liked since she was getting hit by fat and bulky bullies, as I saw what they were doing.. I quickly yelled at them to stop them from doing what they are doing. Suddenly all 3 of them ganged up on me pushing me back into a wall making me feel like my stomach was being pulled in because I was so nervous.
Once they have beaten me up I was just lying on the cold tarmac feeling ashamed and angry, it was cold.. my eyes would squint so they wouldn’t freeze and my fingertips felt like I was putting them into a pile of snow.
I then got up and ran to an abandoned and dark parking lot to think and ponder on why I even tried to help the girl. The wind started to become faster as my hair swept over my eyes and my arms crossed to give myself warmth..then I felt a nice fur coat jacket being put over me.
It was the girl I liked, she was covering my shivering body up with an extra jacket she had.. she then gave me a hug and made me feel like i’m at home. I could smell her nice orange and rose like perfume as she hugged me.
We both suddenly hugged eachother tight as I wrapped my arms around her, then we looked at eachother like we’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. She put her cold hands on my cheek and was slowly closing her eyes and pulling her face towards me.. I did the same thing and we connected our cold lips, the feeling of the kiss was like a very cold and wet feeling at the start of the kiss.. but when we relaxed the wetness and coldness feeling was gone. I had felt like everything that happened to me was fake and someone unexpectingly saved me from myself.

I remeber writing this story at the age of 13 just for fun...lol.



tl;dr


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