Book 1 - Chapter 1

For the Prologue (or at least the last typed version of it) please follow this link:
Click here for Prologue


just felt like i should post what ive been working on for my novel series.
Enjoy
please feel free to make any grammatical changes or anything you see fit. thx.

~Bong – Bong~
The sound of wedding bells filled the entire island of Atlantis as the church doors flung open, and the newlywed couple emerged. Happiness filled the souls of these young lovers. A happiness that had never been seen anywhere. Even God himself shed warm tears of joy on this bright summer’s day.
As the couple ran into the woods to escape the rain, the guests emerged from the building, clapping and cheering as loud as possible.
As they reached a large tree in the middle of the woods, the newlyweds stopped to catch their breath. The young man smiled as he wrapped his arms around his new wife. She simply smiled. That’s all she had to do. He knew what she wanted to say. And he knew that she couldn’t say it. These two had been together for most of their years.
~~~ ~~~
It was June of the year 982 when the couple first met. He was a mere 6 years old, while she was 4. Even at a young age, their hearts felt numb any time they were near or their name was mentioned by or to the other. Their parents were people of the church, brought together by the head priest of the island to spread the truth of God beyond the locals.
You see, Atlantis was the one place on earth that God still held an impression on the people. He trusted only them with the truth of ‘the beginning’. Or, that is, until the summer before, when the head priest was called upon by the almighty. There he was told that it was about time for the rest of the world to know.
From there, the priest was given the names of 3 families. Those were the families chosen to spread the word. They were to be gone for one year. Everyone from all 3 families was chosen to go. Everyone, that is, except the two we now see sitting quietly under the tall tree. They were much too young.
Seven years passed, and still nobody had returned from the trip. Every day the young boy would tell the young girl that they would be back the next. And every day, they didn’t come. About a month before the 8th year, a ship broke the horizon. Everyone gathered around the port, waiting to hear good news. However, there was little good news to be heard. Only one person was on the ship, while 8 had departed.
The young boy who was alone on the ship was covered in dry tears and dirt. He had gone blind in one eye over the years he was gone. It was the older brother of our newlywed beauty.
~~~~ ~~~~
“Well, well, well” a slightly eerie voice broke the sound of the silent rain falling on the trees all around. “If it isn’t my best friend Nicholas and the woman who stole him from us” The slender man changed his serious tone to that of a joke. “Congrats to the both of you” he said as a towering giant of a man walked up behind him.
“Yeah, congrats” he repeated in a very deep, monotone voice.
“Thanks” replied Nicholas. His new wife peered up at him with a smile on her face. “Maria says thanks as well” he said, knowing exactly what it was she wanted to say.
“Hahaha” the slender man laughed, “I still don’t understand you, Nicholas, even if you are my oldest friend”. The slender man’s name was Timothy, and the giant was Spencer. They had been friends with Nicholas since birth. “Well, Maria, looks like you finally got him” he smiled. “Ever since you two met, you had slowly began to take our friend away from us” he sounded almost jealous, but ended it with a laugh.
~~~~~ ~~~~~
A year after his ship returned, Maria’s brother, Bruno, had finally decided to talk to people again. But, he wasn’t the same young man who had left. He seemed different in many ways. But the people of Atlantis still trusted him. Everyone trusted them, except Nicholas and Maria. Maria hadn’t spoken since her brother’s return and the news about her parents. But Nicholas had continued to take care of her, as he did while they held hope that their parents were still out there. Even though she didn’t speak, Nicholas still knew exactly what Maria wanted to say. That is what separated this pair from others. Their bond was a tight one. Tighter than most people had with themselves. They really were as one. Both of their thoughts were flowing through both of their minds.
~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
The four friends had begun to walk back toward town when the rain had stopped. The whole while, reminiscing about the good times they had shared. Nicholas was relaying all of Maria’s thoughts she wanted to share to the others. It had been just under 10 years since she stopped talking. Nicholas had always been with her, he knew exactly what she wanted to say at any given moment. She had seen no reason to start talking again, since he was the only one she really wanted to talk to. And he had always been more than happy to help when it came to her. This was what true love looked like. This was a beautiful thing.

This is the second to last chapter.

“YOU BASTARD!!!!!! That man killed our parents! How can you defend him?" Maria screamed at her older brother.
Bruno stared blankly for a short while, and then broke out in a maniacal laughter. “So you can speak. Are you so blind, little sister” He wiped away a tear that had formed from his laughter. “You still believe that HE was the one that killed them? Poor, naïve, Maria. Haven’t I made it clear yet? It was I who killed them. They were as blind as the rest of you. They didn’t see Wesley for the god he is. So, I eliminated them” he broke out in a loud laughter yet again.
~~~~~~~
*Going to enter a flashback here, showing Bruno killing the others*
~~~~~~~
Maria screamed as she charged her brother. The sound of flesh being penetrated by blade echoed in the room.
“Sleep now you stupid woman. Watch from the heavens, as my lord takes this world by force. Watch as this world becomes a better place” Bruno slowly pulled the sword out of his sister’s breast. She was dead. The only family he had left was dead. But Bruno didn’t care. Wesley was his only family now. The two of them were to rule over earth together. That is all that Bruno wanted now.
He climbed the stairs, expecting to see his master standing over the bloody body of Nicholas. But, it was Wesley’s body that lay there, blood already drying. Shocked, Bruno just stood there while Nicholas kneeled over the dead body in prayer.
As he stood up, Nicholas turned around. “Where is she?" He sounded furious as Bruno stood there, still in awe. “I said 'where is she' you fucking bastard!!!!" his tone changed to a yell. “Answer me, goddamn you!" tears ran down his beautiful face. “Answer me” his tone faded as he broke out crying. He dropped through the floor, on all fours. He cried as all his memories of his beloved wife passed through his mind. He couldn’t find her thoughts in his head anymore. He felt too much pain from the loss of his love, to even notice the fact that a blade had been stabbed in and pulled out several times into his back. His body, now dead, lay there. Tears still falling from his fading eyes.
~~~~~ ~~~~~
As he was drown by an ever glowing light, her silhouette came into his sight. His sorrowed tears turned to tears of joy. That short time without her was the worst feeling he had ever felt. But that was over now. They were together in the afterlife. They were together again. Their love could not be hindered.

I like the Bong-Bong part.

The MASK wrote: I like the Bong-Bong part.

LOL hehe,

not bad, i’m kinda lost, but its interesting :P

The Fear of Blood Tends to Create the fear for the flesh-SH

Silent Pyramid wrote:

The MASK wrote: I like the Bong-Bong part.

LOL hehe,

not bad, i’m kinda lost, but its interesting :P

lol
it starts to make more sense if you put it with the rest of the story.

whats up with the random numbers letters and signs in the second to last chapter.

General Jack Russel wrote: whats up with the random numbers letters and signs in the second to last chapter.

it put those in instead of Quotation marks...
idk why... i wrote them as quotations...

Archangel Azrael wrote:

Silent Pyramid wrote:

The MASK wrote: I like the Bong-Bong part.

LOL hehe,

not bad, i’m kinda lost, but its interesting :P

lol
it starts to make more sense if you put it with the rest of the story.

hehe k, lol
apparently i’m too gory with my story
can’t wait to read more of yoyrs though

The Fear of Blood Tends to Create the fear for the flesh-SH

Archangel Azrael wrote:

General Jack Russel wrote: whats up with the random numbers letters and signs in the second to last chapter.

it put those in instead of Quotation marks...
idk why... i wrote them as quotations...

hmmm very interesting

Silent Pyramid wrote:

Archangel Azrael wrote:

Silent Pyramid wrote:

The MASK wrote: I like the Bong-Bong part.

LOL hehe,

not bad, i’m kinda lost, but its interesting :P

lol
it starts to make more sense if you put it with the rest of the story.

hehe k, lol
apparently i’m too gory with my story
can’t wait to read more of yoyrs though

mine gets pretty gory at times too...
but probably not as gory as what you are thinking
lol

Archangel Azrael wrote:

Silent Pyramid wrote:

Archangel Azrael wrote:

Silent Pyramid wrote:

The MASK wrote: I like the Bong-Bong part.

LOL hehe,

not bad, i’m kinda lost, but its interesting :P

lol
it starts to make more sense if you put it with the rest of the story.

hehe k, lol
apparently i’m too gory with my story
can’t wait to read more of yoyrs though

mine gets pretty gory at times too...
but probably not as gory as what you are thinking
lol

you do not want to know what i am thinking half the time lol, my minds pretty disturbing, amazing my writing is so tame all considering :P

The Fear of Blood Tends to Create the fear for the flesh-SH

lol

Silent Pyramid wrote:

Archangel Azrael wrote:

Silent Pyramid wrote:

The MASK wrote: I like the Bong-Bong part.

LOL hehe,

not bad, i’m kinda lost, but its interesting :P

lol
it starts to make more sense if you put it with the rest of the story.

hehe k, lol
apparently i’m too gory with my story
can’t wait to read more of yoyrs though

Gory is awesome.

fixed all my typos and quotations...

Archangel Azrael wrote: fixed all my typos and quotations...

lol

Ulquiorra Schiffer:

i know right? love some good gore hehe

The Fear of Blood Tends to Create the fear for the flesh-SH

ok here is my opinions:

The first chapter’s story line is very interesting and keeps the reader curious about what is going to happen next and why Maria does not speak. You do however mention many times about Maria’s inability to speak and Nicolas strong bond with her that enables him to understand what she wants to portray. At times it deflects the reader from the story. I know that it is needed to be said but maybe focus it a little more
eg “sensing what Maria wanted to contribute Nicolas told his friends......." try to say it in a different way each time instead of in a similar way?? I hope this makes sense.

I really like the emotion and passion that you have put into the second to last chapter. It really gives the characters a human existence.

A small idea that I thought of was to look at your presentation of the story (eg. paragraphing) to help it flow a little more, making it easier for the reader to follow. Apart from that the story line is fantastic, the character descriptions were a mixture of realistic and fantastical which will help capture a larger audience. Well Done!

yeah
i plan on changing the paragraphing on the final draft
and it does explain why she doesnt talk..
at least i think i did...
i might have spaced putting it in there.
but the reason was pretty much the shock that her parents were never coming back...
or something like that...

Archangel Azrael wrote: yeah
i plan on changing the paragraphing on the final draft
and it does explain why she doesnt talk..
at least i think i did...
i might have spaced putting it in there.
but the reason was pretty much the shock that her parents were never coming back...
or something like that...

yeah I know that you said it......you said it the same way a number of times. I just ment that you should change it up a little each time you mention it. That’s all. The story is great though.

okey smokey
and thanks

This is what I mean. Hoping to bold the parts....hope this works.

~Bong – Bong~
The sound of wedding bells filled the entire island of Atlantis as the church doors flung open, and the newlywed couple emerged. Happiness filled the souls of these young lovers. A happiness that had never been seen anywhere. Even God himself shed warm tears of joy on this bright summer’s day.
As the couple ran into the woods to escape the rain, the guests emerged from the building, clapping and cheering as loud as possible.
As they reached a large tree in the middle of the woods, the newlyweds stopped to catch their breath. The young man smiled as he wrapped his arms around his new wife. She simply smiled. That’s all she had to do. He knew what she wanted to say. And he knew that she couldn’t say it. These two had been together for most of their years.
~~~ ~~~
It was June of the year 982 when the couple first met. He was a mere 6 years old, while she was 4. Even at a young age, their hearts felt numb any time they were near or their name was mentioned by or to the other. Their parents were people of the church, brought together by the head priest of the island to spread the truth of God beyond the locals.
You see, Atlantis was the one place on earth that God still held an impression on the people. He trusted only them with the truth of ‘the beginning’. Or, that is, until the summer before, when the head priest was called upon by the almighty. There he was told that it was about time for the rest of the world to know.
From there, the priest was given the names of 3 families. Those were the families chosen to spread the word. They were to be gone for one year. Everyone from all 3 families was chosen to go. Everyone, that is, except the two we now see sitting quietly under the tall tree. They were much too young.
Seven years passed, and still nobody had returned from the trip. Every day the young boy would tell the young girl that they would be back the next. And every day, they didn’t come. About a month before the 8th year, a ship broke the horizon. Everyone gathered around the port, waiting to hear good news. However, there was little good news to be heard. Only one person was on the ship, while 8 had departed.
The young boy who was alone on the ship was covered in dry tears and dirt. He had gone blind in one eye over the years he was gone. It was the older brother of our newlywed beauty.
~~~~ ~~~~
“Well, well, well” a slightly eerie voice broke the sound of the silent rain falling on the trees all around. “If it isn’t my best friend Nicholas and the woman who stole him from us” The slender man changed his serious tone to that of a joke. “Congrats to the both of you” he said as a towering giant of a man walked up behind him.
“Yeah, congrats” he repeated in a very deep, monotone voice.
“Thanks” replied Nicholas. His new wife peered up at him with a smile on her face. “Maria says thanks as well” he said, knowing exactly what it was she wanted to say.[b/]
“Hahaha” the slender man laughed, “I still don’t understand you, Nicholas, even if you are my oldest friend”. The slender man’s name was Timothy, and the giant was Spencer. They had been friends with Nicholas since birth. “Well, Maria, looks like you finally got him” he smiled. “Ever since you two met, you had slowly began to take our friend away from us” he sounded almost jealous, but ended it with a laugh.
~~~~~ ~~~~~
A year after his ship returned, Maria’s brother, Bruno, had finally decided to talk to people again. But, he wasn’t the same young man who had left. He seemed different in many ways. But the people of Atlantis still trusted him. Everyone trusted them, except Nicholas and Maria. [b]Maria hadn’t spoken since her brother’s return and the news about her parents. But Nicholas had continued to take care of her, as he did while they held hope that their parents were still out there. Even though she didn’t speak, Nicholas still knew exactly what Maria wanted to say. That is what separated this pair from others. Their bond was a tight one. Tighter than most people had with themselves. They really were as one. Both of their thoughts were flowing through both of their minds.
~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
The four friends had begun to walk back toward town when the rain had stopped. The whole while, reminiscing about the good times they had shared. Nicholas was relaying all of Maria’s thoughts she wanted to share to the others. It had been just under 10 years since she stopped talking. Nicholas had always been with her, he knew exactly what she wanted to say at any given moment. She had seen no reason to start talking again, since he was the only one she really wanted to talk to. And he had always been more than happy to help when it came to her. This was what true love looked like. This was a beautiful thing.