Can You Rate The Opening Of My Story?

Hello Colelaw, thank you for your feedback. Very descriptive and helpful my friend.

Now, on to my responses on the comments you have made.

You are assuming that the story IS EXACTLY me. No, it is not. Certain aspects of the character in the story are inspired by my own personality and beliefs, but no it is not me. (Seriously, who would compute such a complex idea at age nine?)

As for me not knowing exactly what nihilism is, you are partially correct. I have been wanting to study nihilism for a while, so if you can get the book to me, I would enjoy borrowing it. I frankly am not to sure what I am myself, so I just went for nihilist for the time being.

“Everything is nothing, nothing is everything” is a sentence that is symbolism, and will be revealed later on in the story. So yes, right now you are not supposed to know what the hell it means.

Individualism is the major theme in this story, but I also want to put others in the story to make it a little more exciting and less monotonous.

As for children and conformity, I believe most children nowadays are conformists. Yes, there are some that are not, however, looking at our own school supports my idea exactly. Everyone likes the same things at our school, and excludes people who are different. Boom, sha bam. Conformity.

Catcher in the Rye is partially an influence, considering both my story and J.D. Salinger’s are about children with strong looks on life, but no, not completely. As a matter of fact, while writing this, I never even thought about Catcher in the Rye while writing, but now that you have pointed it out, I notice it.



Overall, harsh commenting lol, but very good points and suggestions.

...I’m sorry, I feel like a real jackass now. Again, I apologize.
1.) I shouldn’t have made so many assumptions. I’ll be more careful when doing something like this in the future.
2.) About nihilism: I’m not saying that you have absolutely no idea what it is - I’m quite certain that you have a basic understanding of it (and a better one than I do, at that). However, I think that whenever you’re interested in a philosophy, it always helps to read literature pertaining to it. I’ll give you Beyond Good and Evil (I can always go to the library if I become interested) - apparently, it deals with issues of religion and morality, so it should help you out.
3.) Again, I apologize for all the stupid assumptions. I should have realized that “Everything is nothing” would appear later on in the story.
4.) I agree with you about the conformity thing, but this is something that I’ve been thinking about for a while - within various subcultures that go against the so-called mainstream (you might use the “metalhead” subculture as an example) there are always some people who, although they claim to be non-conformist and going against the grain, are actually conforming to a certain stereotype/try desperately to fit in within a certain group. I don’t personally know anyone like this, but on internet forums there’s always a few people (the key word here being few) who act like this.
5.) I shouldn’t have made the Catcher in the Rye comparison. The similarities are pretty superficial, I got carried away there.
So, in conclusion: I hope you can forgive me for being so harsh/not thinking a little bit more than I should have. I think the story should turn out to be very interesting.

We will set out with a fire in our hearts/When this darkness gives way to the dawn/In the light we are united as one/For the kingdom of heaven must be taken by storm!

Coleslaw wrote: ...I’m sorry, I feel like a real jackass now. Again, I apologize.
1.) I shouldn’t have made so many assumptions. I’ll be more careful when doing something like this in the future.
2.) About nihilism: I’m not saying that you have absolutely no idea what it is - I’m quite certain that you have a basic understanding of it (and a better one than I do, at that). However, I think that whenever you’re interested in a philosophy, it always helps to read literature pertaining to it. I’ll give you Beyond Good and Evil (I can always go to the library if I become interested) - apparently, it deals with issues of religion and morality, so it should help you out.
3.) Again, I apologize for all the stupid assumptions. I should have realized that “Everything is nothing” would appear later on in the story.
4.) I agree with you about the conformity thing, but this is something that I’ve been thinking about for a while - within various subcultures that go against the so-called mainstream (you might use the “metalhead” subculture as an example) there are always some people who, although they claim to be non-conformist and going against the grain, are actually conforming to a certain stereotype/try desperately to fit in within a certain group. I don’t personally know anyone like this, but on internet forums there’s always a few people (the key word here being few) who act like this.
5.) I shouldn’t have made the Catcher in the Rye comparison. The similarities are pretty superficial, I got carried away there.
So, in conclusion: I hope you can forgive me for being so harsh/not thinking a little bit more than I should have. I think the story should turn out to be very interesting.

Nononononononono, you were correct on many levels, don’t worry about that. Your comments are helpfeul, and I am editing the paper now, so nothing should worry you.

i’ll be back later to analyze your story from what i read it was very good it only needs to be tightned up in one area but i’m very intrested.

I don’t think it was your intention; but I think an idea like this could make a great satire. Here you have one of those people who accuses the majority of people to conformism when they know so little about the private lives and thoughts of most people, assuming only they and a few others have the quirk to question the society to live in, also ironically conforming themself to nihilism and the so far un-named personality profile of an hypocritical adolescent who accuses everyone else of conformity which I have seen a million times.

Oh wait, they already did it. It was called The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole. Hahaha.

i picked the m one because i didnt know what it said and i thought it was ok

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lol i must of been really high
lol i dont no what the m word said LMAO

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