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How is this for a entry for my story?

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[Quote] #1
13 Jun 2008 04:35 pm
Joined: 11 Jun 2008
Posts: 59
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LMAOTANK
Wannabe
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I slowly opened my eyes. Sam was laying in the corner; he was still asleep but had his eyes open. His eyes looked as if they were staring at me and they looked angry. Can’t say I blame him, living in this hell-hole would drive anyone furious. I looked at my watch. Damn! I forgot I had broken it after escaping last night. I picked myself up and looked out the window. The time must had been somewhere around 6AM. I saw them scurrying around, looking for fresh meat. I had bolted the door so they couldn’t get us. Sam grunted softly and blinked.
“How does it look?" He asked.
“Few more of them than usual."
I walked over to the cupboards and looked what was left. Still had enough food to last us for a couple of days. There was a pack of cigarettes at the back, I took one out the pack. I turned to Sam.
“Want one?" I asked. Sam shook his head. I put the pack in the cupboard and looked for a lighter. I found it, and after a couple of unsuccessfull attempts to light it, managed to keep the flame on long enough to light the cigarette.
“Why don’t we try and get out the city?" Asked Sam, who at this point had already got up and was eating a pack of nachos we scavenged 4 days ago.
“I never thought of it. How many of them do you think there are in the city?"
“I dunno, probably about 200,000 of them."
“I suppose that’s not too many of them, considering how big this city is."
“What the hell are we gonna do today then?"
“What we’ve been doing for the previous month. Keep ourselves alive."

Two hours later, just after we had eaten breafast (If you can call a small tin of beans breafast) We decided to set out. I unocked the door. Just as I was about to walk out, Sam pointed to my Desert Eagles.
“We need these, don’t we?
He was right. I picked up my two Desert Eagles and hid them inside my jacket. Sam took his main weapon, a standard shotgun, and a penknife. I closed and locked the door. First thing we needed to find was some food, we didn’t have much left. We both knew that. As I ran down the stairs I though about what Sam said. Moving out the city. They probably only went on a few miles from the city. But what abvout the survivors? Should we try and help them? Or should we leave them; every man for himself?

So, how do you think of it? What are my strong and weak points?


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Last edited 21 Jun 2008 02:30 am by LMAOTANK

[Quote] #2
17 Jun 2008 05:41 pm
Joined: 11 Jun 2008
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LMAOTANK
Wannabe
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Will someone ever reply to this?


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[Quote] #3
17 Jun 2008 06:23 pm
Joined: 11 May 2008
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Hellfighter17
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good so far.wish you could finish it and post it.
good luck!


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[Quote] #4
21 Jun 2008 02:31 am
Joined: 11 Jun 2008
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LMAOTANK
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Bump.


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[Quote] #5
06 Jul 2008 01:58 am
Joined: 23 Sep 2007
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bored24-7
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hmmm teenagers surving during an apocalypse am i correct?

sounds intresting i use more setting building so the reader gets drawn in smells, sounds, sights etc those things are very important. but i’m intrested.

r u sending it to the young writers and artist alliance ya know the one that is under shcolastic? i will send some of my work in soon.

[Quote] #6
12 Jul 2008 09:20 am
Joined: 11 Jun 2008
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LMAOTANK
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bored24-7 wrote: hmmm teenagers surving during an apocalypse am i correct?

sounds intresting i use more setting building so the reader gets drawn in smells, sounds, sights etc those things are very important. but i’m intrested.

r u sending it to the young writers and artist alliance ya know the one that is under shcolastic? i will send some of my work in soon.



Close. Ex miltary man and his friend surviving a zombie invasion.


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[Quote] #7
12 Jul 2008 09:28 am
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
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BUGs
Entree
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...

Last edited 17 Oct 2008 08:58 pm by BUGs
[Quote] #8
13 Jul 2008 01:05 am
Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Posts: 785
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bored24-7
bored24-7
Regular
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LMAOTANK wrote:

bored24-7 wrote: hmmm teenagers surving during an apocalypse am i correct?

sounds intresting i use more setting building so the reader gets drawn in smells, sounds, sights etc those things are very important. but i’m intrested.

r u sending it to the young writers and artist alliance ya know the one that is under shcolastic? i will send some of my work in soon.



Close. Ex miltary man and his friend surviving a zombie invasion.



i try smiley

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