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Is this a good start for a short story? Should I try something different?

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[Quote] #1
13 Sep 2009 03:39 pm
Joined: 22 Nov 2008
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Nex Carnifex
Nex Carnifex
Thinking bout' life
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I need to write a short story for school, it can be about anything as long as it has some meaning. I started writing one, but I just kind of got bored of the story. Should I continue with this? Or try something Silent Hillish?:



It was summer in city-739, an announcement played through the speakers littering the walls of every building. A slow, raspy yet commanding voice delivered the message, “Attention citizens of 739, there will be a speech given in the Plaza 5 hours from now. Only those with a valid excuse may be absent, all others must attend.”
A panic arose in the public, if they did not get to the Plaza in 5 hours, they would receive “the punishment”. No one knew what that was, but those who did receive it were never seen again in city-739. The citizens of city-739 didn’t know anything that happened outside of the colossal metal walls that surrounded the city, and to try and find out was prohibited. Whenever an order was given over the speakers, which was usually to gather in a certain area to receive a speech by one of the G-Men, every single citizen, except ones being hospitalized or with a severe handicap, would have to be there on time. Speeches usually were simply to inform citizens with information regarding work or the like, but on some rare occasions the speeches were held in the Plaza, which was a giant circular clearing in the center of the city with a raised platform were a G-Man would stand to give a very unusual speech. These unusual, cryptic messages were usually not even in a language the citizens could understand, but occasionally there would be words they could make out from the obscure speeches like “fall” or “end”. Such speeches would go on for 6-10 hours, and then would abruptly end. The citizens had become accustomed to such strange speeches, yet they were still haunted by the unknown purpose.
Almost all the able citizens attended today’s speech, save for a few. The citizens gathered tightly around the platform were the G-Man giving the speech would appear from an underground elevator. A humming noise could be faintly heard, and then begin getting louder. A man in a black suit appeared on the platform. His skin was chalky white and he(I’m stopped here)


[Quote] #2
13 Sep 2009 03:56 pm
Joined: 17 Oct 2008
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Conan
Conan
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Half Life ripoff el oh el


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[Quote] #3
13 Sep 2009 03:57 pm
Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 21,766
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Red_Calibur9
Red_Calibur9
this'll take some getting used to
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Dream of the Endless wrote: Half Life ripoff el oh el


lawl Gman in City 17 with Combine beatings if they don’t obey.


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Some people just don’t understand the Golden Rule.

[Quote] #4
13 Sep 2009 04:22 pm
Joined: 22 Nov 2008
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Nex Carnifex
Nex Carnifex
Thinking bout' life
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Yeah, I just beat Half-Life one again so I felt like doing something like Half-Life. Later on drop pods would fall down and monster would come out and eat people or something.

[Quote] #5
13 Sep 2009 04:23 pm
Joined: 22 Nov 2008
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Nex Carnifex
Nex Carnifex
Thinking bout' life
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But now I just don’t feel like making that.

[Quote] #6
13 Sep 2009 04:24 pm
Joined: 15 Jan 2008
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GabMedX
GabMedX
The X stands for UnXarted 2.
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King Boo wrote: Yeah, I just beat Half-Life one again so I felt like doing something like Half-Life. Later on drop pods would fall down and monster would come out and eat people or something.


I once tried making a story based on Call of Duty 4.
Wouldn’t ya know, I got the highest mark.


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[Quote] #7
13 Sep 2009 06:21 pm
Joined: 30 Apr 2007
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Red_Calibur9
Red_Calibur9
this'll take some getting used to
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Game Master wrote:

King Boo wrote: Yeah, I just beat Half-Life one again so I felt like doing something like Half-Life. Later on drop pods would fall down and monster would come out and eat people or something.


I once tried making a story based on Call of Duty 4.
Wouldn’t ya know, I got the highest mark.


lawl


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Some people just don’t understand the Golden Rule.

[Quote] #8
13 Sep 2009 07:22 pm
Joined: 01 Aug 2007
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Kitty Kat
Kitty Kat
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I don’t feel like reading that whole thing.... smiley


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[Quote] #9
20 Sep 2009 09:53 pm
HankyPanky
Guest

Its funny how nomadder where you live we all have the same assignments at the same time of year, your a senior i bet? I think it its very detailed, much more so than the garbage story i have due tomorrow.

[Quote] #10
20 Sep 2009 10:38 pm
Joined: 15 Jul 2008
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Rorschach
Rorschach
UBER 1337 Poster
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It sucks. Needs way more dicking and faggotry.


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[Quote] #11
20 Sep 2009 11:15 pm
Joined: 24 May 2008
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LinkHeroOfTime
LinkHeroOfTime
loloololol
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lol


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