more of story

When school got out I went to my locker and grab my my booksand other school stuff and headed to the fron of the school
“Hey Mag” I turn around to find Ace standing behide me.
“hi?"
“I know your confused as to why I brought you out here right?“I nod
“well you see” and thats when Amanda came up
“ACE!!!!“I sighed heavenly and walk away quickly. When he caught up with me he said
“sorry about that” I didnt say anything and kept on walking.
“um do you want to go to the park or something?"
I looked at him like he was crazy but said
“I guess”
When we got to the park I sat down on a swing and swinged back and foruth.
“Mag I know were not really firends but I was wondering if you could help me”
“with?"
“school work” I rolled my eyes at him
“I am not doing your wrok or giving you the answer to the work”
“I know that” awkard silence.I kept on swing ing when he came and sat on the swing next to mine.
“what do you want my help with?"
“sceince”
“ok what with scenice?"
“chemestry”
“yeah I am no good at that because I havent tooken that class yet”
“oh”
“anything else with that subject?"
“no but mybe enguilsh?"
“sure arent you reading books right no though?"
to be countined

I have a sense that ACE is trying to bring up his interest in Amanda through the help he wants for school work. I don’t know if that is the direction that you are going in or not? There are a few spelling mistakes and spacing problems that need to be changed to help the reader understand what is going on. Other than that it is going well I think. Not as catchy as the first part but it is getting there

thank you!^^ feel free to edit lol

I found it boring(no offense;besides I am more into horror and mystery type book’s).But don’t let this comment stop you .

nice i like it

“Sometimes i feel like a butterfly trapped inside a cocoon
wishing i could spread my wings and fly away”

^^ thank you every one!^____^

Mar_hinata wrote: ^^ thank you every one!^____^

I think “Mag” is great. Not sure about the story line, I’ll have to see where this goes. I definately do not like “Ace” (what a jerk) and think he is just using Mag for his own agenda, which will eventually break Mag’s heart. She should just tell him to “get lost”.

^^' um wow..your the closes so far chilly..which shouldnt surprise me

Mar_hinata wrote: When school got out I went to my locker and grab my my booksand other school stuff and headed to the fron of the school
“Hey Mag” I turn around to find Ace standing behide me.
“hi?"
“I know your confused as to why I brought you out here right?“I nod
“well you see” and thats when Amanda came up
“ACE!!!!“I sighed heavenly and walk away quickly. When he caught up with me he said
“sorry about that” I didnt say anything and kept on walking.
“um do you want to go to the park or something?"
I looked at him like he was crazy but said
“I guess”
When we got to the park I sat down on a swing and swinged back and foruth.
“Mag I know were not really firends but I was wondering if you could help me”
“with?"
“school work” I rolled my eyes at him
“I am not doing your wrok or giving you the answer to the work”
“I know that” awkard silence.I kept on swing ing when he came and sat on the swing next to mine.
“what do you want my help with?"
“sceince”
“ok what with scenice?"
“chemestry”
“yeah I am no good at that because I havent tooken that class yet”
“oh”
“anything else with that subject?"
“no but mybe enguilsh?"
“sure arent you reading books right no though?"
to be countined

(Continuation)
“Ace, you don’t seem to have any reading problem." said Mag.
“Well” said Ace, “it’s not so much reading as it is understanding."
Mag said, “What do you mean?"
There’s something in my English class I don’t understand Mag." said Ace.
“Well?" Mag said impatiently, “What is it?"
“Do you know Amanda’s sister Kristen?" he said.
“Yes." Mag said curiously, “What about Kristen?"
“I dunno Mag," he said, “Amanda says Kristen likes me."
“So?" she said, “Do you ever talk to Kristen?"
Ace said, “Sometimes, kinda. But I get real nervous around her."
“Well?" she said curtly, “What do you want me to do about it?"
“Mag, I’ve got an idea how to impress Kristen and I need your help." he said.
“Doing?" she said. Ace said, “I’ve got a gun. It’s my dad’s. I wanna bring it to school and show Kristen, but the security checks at the door will detect it. I know you don’t go through the metal detectors cuz you work in the Library first period. You could bring it in and I’ll get it when I come to the Library for study hall." he said.
Mag said, “Are you out of your mind? Bringing a gun to school? That’s stupid."
Ace said, “No, I’m gonna impress the shit out of her when I show it to her and tell her I’m gonna waste that asshole, Kurt, that forced her to have sex that time. I’ll be her hero."
“Oh my God, Ace, are you serious? You’re going to kill Kurt? I can’t believe this!" said Mag.
“No, no, Mag." said Ace, “Kristen will beg me not to do it. I’ll finally agree not to and she’ll think I really was gonna get even with him for her and she’ll really be thankful."
Mag said, “You’d better not bring that gun in here loaded, Ace. Someone could accidentally get hurt."
“I won’t, I promise." said Ace. Mag looked at him with skepticism in her eyes.
(to be continued)

Chilly man has talent!

Chilly man wrote:

Mar_hinata wrote: When school got out I went to my locker and grab my my booksand other school stuff and headed to the fron of the school
“Hey Mag” I turn around to find Ace standing behide me.
“hi?"
“I know your confused as to why I brought you out here right?“I nod
“well you see” and thats when Amanda came up
“ACE!!!!“I sighed heavenly and walk away quickly. When he caught up with me he said
“sorry about that” I didnt say anything and kept on walking.
“um do you want to go to the park or something?"
I looked at him like he was crazy but said
“I guess”
When we got to the park I sat down on a swing and swinged back and foruth.
“Mag I know were not really firends but I was wondering if you could help me”
“with?"
“school work” I rolled my eyes at him
“I am not doing your wrok or giving you the answer to the work”
“I know that” awkard silence.I kept on swing ing when he came and sat on the swing next to mine.
“what do you want my help with?"
“sceince”
“ok what with scenice?"
“chemestry”
“yeah I am no good at that because I havent tooken that class yet”
“oh”
“anything else with that subject?"
“no but mybe enguilsh?"
“sure arent you reading books right no though?"
to be countined

(Continuation)
“Ace, you don’t seem to have any reading problem." said Mag.
“Well” said Ace, “it’s not so much reading as it is understanding."
Mag said, “What do you mean?"
There’s something in my English class I don’t understand Mag." said Ace.
“Well?" Mag said impatiently, “What is it?"
“Do you know Amanda’s sister Kristen?" he said.
“Yes." Mag said curiously, “What about Kristen?"
“I dunno Mag," he said, “Amanda says Kristen likes me."
“So?" she said, “Do you ever talk to Kristen?"
Ace said, “Sometimes, kinda. But I get real nervous around her."
“Well?" she said curtly, “What do you want me to do about it?"
“Mag, I’ve got an idea how to impress Kristen and I need your help." he said.
“Doing?" she said. Ace said, “I’ve got a gun. It’s my dad’s. I wanna bring it to school and show Kristen, but the security checks at the door will detect it. I know you don’t go through the metal detectors cuz you work in the Library first period. You could bring it in and I’ll get it when I come to the Library for study hall." he said.
Mag said, “Are you out of your mind? Bringing a gun to school? That’s stupid."
Ace said, “No, I’m gonna impress the shit out of her when I show it to her and tell her I’m gonna waste that asshole, Kurt, that forced her to have sex that time. I’ll be her hero."
“Oh my God, Ace, are you serious? You’re going to kill Kurt? I can’t believe this!" said Mag.
“No, no, Mag." said Ace, “Kristen will beg me not to do it. I’ll finally agree not to and she’ll think I really was gonna get even with him for her and she’ll really be thankful."
Mag said, “You’d better not bring that gun in here loaded, Ace. Someone could accidentally get hurt."
“I won’t, I promise." said Ace. Mag looked at him with skepticism in her eyes.
(to be continued)

lmao

King Boo wrote: Chilly man has talent!

Thanks Boo, I’m good with drama right? lol

Chilly man wrote:

Mar_hinata wrote: When school got out I went to my locker and grab my my booksand other school stuff and headed to the fron of the school
“Hey Mag” I turn around to find Ace standing behide me.
“hi?"
“I know your confused as to why I brought you out here right?“I nod
“well you see” and thats when Amanda came up
“ACE!!!!“I sighed heavenly and walk away quickly. When he caught up with me he said
“sorry about that” I didnt say anything and kept on walking.
“um do you want to go to the park or something?"
I looked at him like he was crazy but said
“I guess”
When we got to the park I sat down on a swing and swinged back and foruth.
“Mag I know were not really firends but I was wondering if you could help me”
“with?"
“school work” I rolled my eyes at him
“I am not doing your wrok or giving you the answer to the work”
“I know that” awkard silence.I kept on swing ing when he came and sat on the swing next to mine.
“what do you want my help with?"
“sceince”
“ok what with scenice?"
“chemestry”
“yeah I am no good at that because I havent tooken that class yet”
“oh”
“anything else with that subject?"
“no but mybe enguilsh?"
“sure arent you reading books right no though?"
to be countined

(Continuation)
“Ace, you don’t seem to have any reading problem." said Mag.
“Well” said Ace, “it’s not so much reading as it is understanding."
Mag said, “What do you mean?"
There’s something in my English class I don’t understand Mag." said Ace.
“Well?" Mag said impatiently, “What is it?"
“Do you know Amanda’s sister Kristen?" he said.
“Yes." Mag said curiously, “What about Kristen?"
“I dunno Mag," he said, “Amanda says Kristen likes me."
“So?" she said, “Do you ever talk to Kristen?"
Ace said, “Sometimes, kinda. But I get real nervous around her."
“Well?" she said curtly, “What do you want me to do about it?"
“Mag, I’ve got an idea how to impress Kristen and I need your help." he said.
“Doing?" she said. Ace said, “I’ve got a gun. It’s my dad’s. I wanna bring it to school and show Kristen, but the security checks at the door will detect it. I know you don’t go through the metal detectors cuz you work in the Library first period. You could bring it in and I’ll get it when I come to the Library for study hall." he said.
Mag said, “Are you out of your mind? Bringing a gun to school? That’s stupid."
Ace said, “No, I’m gonna impress the shit out of her when I show it to her and tell her I’m gonna waste that asshole, Kurt, that forced her to have sex that time. I’ll be her hero."
“Oh my God, Ace, are you serious? You’re going to kill Kurt? I can’t believe this!" said Mag.
“No, no, Mag." said Ace, “Kristen will beg me not to do it. I’ll finally agree not to and she’ll think I really was gonna get even with him for her and she’ll really be thankful."
Mag said, “You’d better not bring that gun in here loaded, Ace. Someone could accidentally get hurt."
“I won’t, I promise." said Ace. Mag looked at him with skepticism in her eyes.
(to be continued)

^^ nice...though i think you found out who mag is though...^^ nice peice

Thanks Mar

^^