Nothingness as far as the eye can see. Even further, actually. Nothing lies within the walls of this infinite universe. Nothing, that is, except Him. The Son of Sorrow. Whose name has been unspoken by any who know of his sin. He was Mayhem. Taboo. Hatred. Disgust. Calamity. Pandemonium. His name… not even he could remember his true name. Here he sits, in vast nothingness. His eyes blank. Nothing fills his downward gaze. He was locked here millions of years ago for a crime most unforgivable. His gaze wasn’t always so empty. For the first thousand years He was calm. Next, he grew tired. He knew there was no way out of this hell, but hope still grew. A hope that would fill him for the next thousand years. Then Insanity, as he franticly searched for a way out regardless of thought or feeling or sense or anything else a sane person would follow. Finally, Nothing. Not a glimmer of life filled him anymore. Lost in thought for more years than he could remember. His downward gaze aching. His robes torn. His features absolutely perfect. But still nothing. Absolute nothing…
Then it happened. That spark in his eye as he realized the answer after so very long. He began to laugh a laugh that those of the Christian faith would associate with Satan himself. His brother was the answer. The brother who was locked in a similar prison of nothingness. His brother, whose power far surpassed his own. Jehovah. Surely Jehovah was as eager to escape as he was. If he could establish a link to his brother from here, perhaps he can get him to open the cell from the outside. Perhaps Jehovah could find the door that He had spent millions, perhaps billions, of years searching for. Jehovah was, after all, the smarter of the two. His smile widened as he closed his eyes.
Day after day, he spent sitting in silence, searching for his brother’s thought waves in the vastness of all life. But was this really the evil being he knew as his brother? The brother who thought up the evil deed that brought them to become prisoners. The brother who hated so much? Was he caring for lesser beings? Creating peace throughout a universe he created inside his cell? Surely this was some kind of joke. Time after time he tried sending messages to Jehovah, but each was overlooked, as though he had forgotten who he was. What he had done. There was but one option. Re-corruption. Perhaps if he could corrupt this seemingly perfect Jehovah, he could find the brother he once knew. But alas, Jehovah was too powerful for Him to send commands or thoughts to. But, Jehovah’s creations were not. If he could send all of Jehovah’s creations into chaos and hatred, maybe, just maybe, Jehovah will remember the past he had forgotten, and return to his evil roots, and his brother’s aid.
Thought after thought sent to being after being. Only two places remain untouched by this evil. The first was Eden, the garden valley that those holy figures known as Saints have roamed since Jehovah had deemed a large number of life forms unworthy of stepping foot there. The second, Atlantis, a city created by the humans to honor Jehovah and apologize for the sins they committed in the past. Perhaps those were weak points. Perhaps that is why they are guarded so well. Lucky for Him, there were ways to get to those points without using his power directly. Patience was the key to this ever-expanding prison of nothingness. He would soon be free from his eternal prison. Free to return to the world he once knew. Free to bring about what he planned to before.
I have learned in my reading, that Sentence Fragments grab the attention of a reader, even if the reader does not like reading, and makes for a quicker read.
I have learned in my reading, that Sentence Fragments grab the attention of a reader, even if the reader does not like reading, and makes for a quicker read.
Yeah, the fragmenting is on purpose. My teacher asked me the same thing.
He said that it is the only student written Prologue that he liked. and he said he read a lot in his career. which I would not doubt, seeing as he is head of the english and art departments at our huge high school..
Nothingness as far as the eye can seeSTOP Even further, actuallySTOPNothing lies within the walls of this infinite universe(Love this)STOPNothing, that is, except HimSTOP The Son of SorrowSTOP Whose name has been unspoken by any who know of his sinSTOP He was MayhemSTOP TabooSTOP HatredSTOP DisgustSTOP CalamitySTOP PandemoniumSTOP His name… not even he could remember his true nameSTOP
That’s how I feel when I’m reading it but besides that I love it I was trying to come up with something similar for my Loud Mouth char but I had trouble of creating an origin story for a char with no origin.
Nothingness as far as the eye can seeSTOP Even further, actuallySTOPNothing lies within the walls of this infinite universe(Love this)STOPNothing, that is, except HimSTOP The Son of SorrowSTOP Whose name has been unspoken by any who know of his sinSTOP He was MayhemSTOP TabooSTOP HatredSTOP DisgustSTOP CalamitySTOP PandemoniumSTOP His name… not even he could remember his true nameSTOP
That’s how I feel when I’m reading it but besides that I love it I was trying to come up with something similar for my Loud Mouth char but I had trouble of creating an origin story for a char with no origin.
lol
Yeah, my teacher absolutely loved that oxymoron, too.
Pagemaster wrote:
He began to laugh a laugh that those of the Christian faith would associate with Satan himself.
I didn’t like this line. I don’t know if Christians exist yet or ever in this world you’ve made, but making direct comparisons to things the reader knows, but perhaps no one in the book would is an effective way to keep them from being sucked in, and to remind them that this is indeed a book written by someone in their time period.
You want to submerse them, not relate them. The reader will make his own relations as events unfold in the book. Don’t carry the reader.
I am going to leave it for now. I have given it to my Writing teacher, and we are going to have a class discussion about it, see what people like and dislike about it, and what people think it means, to see if I am getting my desired effect.
Pagemaster wrote:
I am going to leave it for now. I have given it to my Writing teacher, and we are going to have a class discussion about it, see what people like and dislike about it, and what people think it means, to see if I am getting my desired effect.
But thank you for your input.
You could easily replace the line with:
“He began to laugh, a laugh akin to the most evil of evils."
Or something along those lines. But this would solve the issue in this sentence that I stated above by allowing the reader to make their own connection to what is MOST evil to them. Especially since the word evil is both very broad and specific at the same time.
