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Step by step instruction on how to cook human meat

[Reply] #1
11-05-2010 02:57 PM
Jeffrey
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This is a step-by-step guide on how to break down the human body from
the full figure into serviceable choice cuts of meat. As in any field,
there are a number of methods to the practice, and you may wish to view
this as a set of suggestions rather than concrete rules. You will
notice that the carving of the larger or “commercial” cuts down into
smaller specific or “retail” cuts will be only mentioned in passing,
and not concentrated upon. Also, the use of human fat and viscera is
generally avoided, and left only to the most experimental chef. These
choices, along with recipes and serving suggestions, are nearly
infinite in variety, and we leave them to you. We’ve found these
guidelines to be simple and functional, but recognize that there is
always room for improvement and we welcome your suggestions.

Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned that the complete
rendering of the human carcass requires a fairly large amount of time,
effort, and space. If the consumer does not wish to go through the
ordeal of processing and storing the bulk of the entire animal, an easy
alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one or both legs at the
points directly below the groin and a few inches above the knee. Once
skinned, these portions may then be cut into round steaks of the
carver’s preferred thickness, cut into fillets, deboned for a roast,
etc. Meat for several meals is thus readily obtained without the need
for gutting and the complexities of preparing the entire form.

The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history as “long
pig” and “hairless goat” in the case of younger specimens) is not
generally thought of as a staple food source. Observing the anatomy and
skeleton, one can see that the animal is neither built nor bred for its
meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as a pig or cow
(for example, an average 1000 pound steer breaks down to provide 432
pounds of saleable beef). The large central pelvis and broad shoulder
blades also interfere with achieving perfect cuts. There are advantages
to this however, especially due to the fact that the typical specimen
will weigh between 100-200 pounds, easily manipulated by one person
with sufficient leverage.

Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY
IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in
tightly controlled environments with their health and diet carefully
maintained. Humans are not. Thus not only is the meat of each person of
varying quality, but people are also subject to an enormous range of
diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad habits,
all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages, the meat
loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm animal is
ever allowed to age for thirty years. Six to thirteen months old is a
more common slaughtering point. You will obviously want a youthful but
mature physically fit human in apparently good health. A certain amount
of fat is desirable as “marbling” to add a juicy, flavorful quality to
the meat. We personally prefer firm caucasian females in their early
twenties. These are “ripe”. But tastes vary, and it is a very large
herd.

The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an
interior location is suggested), and a large table for a butcher’s
block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed
ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for blood
and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source close by.
Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools: sharp, clean
short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a hacksaw.

Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best results
and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in captivity is
optimal, but not always available. When possible make sure the animal
has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This fasting helps flush
the system, purging stored toxins and bodily wastes, as well as making
bleeding and cleaning easier. Under ideal conditions, the specimen will
then be stunned into insensitivity. Sharp unexpected blows to the head
are best, tranquilizers not being recommended as they may taint the
flavor of the meat. If this is not possible without exciting the animal
and causing a struggle (which will pump a greater volume of blood and
secretions such as adrenaline throughout the body), a single bullet
through the middle of the forehead or back of the skull will suffice.

Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be
hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands, with the head down.
This is called the “Gein configuration”. Simple loops of rope may be
tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar or
overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a
meathook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The legs
should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the
arms roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to the pelvis,
and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for removal. It’s
easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the level of the
butcher’s head.

Bleeding: Place a large open vessel beneath the animal’s head. With a
long-bladed knife, start at one corner of the jaw and make a deep
“ear-to-ear” cut through the neck and larynx to the opposite side. This
will sever the internal and external carotid arteries, the major blood
vessels carrying blood from the heart to the head, face, and brain. If
the animal is not yet dead, this will kill it quickly, and allow for
the blood to drain in any case. After the initial rush of blood, the
stream should be controllable and can be directed into a receptacle.
Drainage can be assisted by massaging the extremities down in the
direction of the trunk, and by compressing and releasing, “pumping”,
the stomach. A mature specimen will contain almost six liters of blood.
There is no use for this fluid, unless some source is waiting to use it
immediately for ritual purposes. It acts as an emetic in most people if
drunk, and it must be mentioned here that because of the eternal
possibility of AIDS it is recommended that for safety’s sake all blood
should be considered to be contaminated and disposed of in some
fashion. It is not known whether an HlV-infected human’s flesh is
dangerous even if cooked, but this is another item to consider when
choosing a specimen, someone in the low-risk strata.

Beheading: When the bleeding slows, preparation for decapitation can be
started. Continue the cut to the throat around the entire neck, from
the jawline to the back of the skull. Once muscle and ligament have
been sliced away, the head can be cleanly removed by gripping it on
either side and twisting it off, separation occurring where the spinal
cord meets the skull. This is indicative of the method to be used for
dividing other bones or joints, in that the meat should generally be
cut through first with a knife, and the exposed bone then separated
with a saw or cleaver. The merits of keeping the skull as a trophy are
debatable for two principal reasons. First, a human skull may call
suspicious attention to the new owner. Secondly, thorough cleaning is
difficult due to the large brain mass, which is hard to remove without
opening the skull. The brain is not good to eat. Removing the tongue
and eyes, skinning the head, and placing it outside in a wire cage may
be effective. The cage allows small scavengers such as ants and maggots
to cleanse the flesh from the bones, while preventing it being carried
off by larger scavengers, such as dogs and children. After a sufficient
period of time, you may retrieve the skull and boil it in a dilute
bleach solution to sterilize it and wash away any remaining tissue.

Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the body down.
Because there is no major market for human hides, particular care in
removing the skin in a single piece is not necessary, and makes the
task much easier. The skin is in fact a large organ, and by flaying the
carcass you not only expose the muscular configuration, but also get
rid of the hair and the tiny distasteful glands which produce sweat and
oil. A short-bladed knife should be used to avoid slicing into muscle
and viscera. The skin is composed of two layers, an outer thinner one
with a thicker tissue layer below it. When skinning, first score the
surface, cutting lightly to be sure of depth and direction. The diagram
of the skinning pattern is an example of strip-style skinning, dividing
the surface into portions easy to handle. Reflect the skin by lifting
up and peeling back with one hand, while bringing the knife in as flat
to the skin as possible to cut away connective tissue. The external
genitals present only a small obstacle. In the male the penis and
scrotum can be pulled away from the body and severed, in the female the
outer lips skinned as the rest of the body. It is important to leave
the anus untouched at this point, and a circle of skin should be left
around it. You need not bother skinning the hands and feet, these
portions not being worth the effort unless you plan to pickle them or
use them in soup. The skin can be disposed of, or made into fried
rinds. Boil the strips and peel away the outer layer, then cut into
smaller pieces and deep-fat fry in boiling oil until puffy and crisp.
Dust with garlic salt, paprika and cayenne pepper.

Gutting: The next major step is complete evisceration of the carcass.
To begin, make a cut from the solar plexus, the point between the
breastbone and stomach, almost to the anus. Be very careful not to cut
into the intestines, as this will contaminate the surrounding area with
bacteria and possibly feces (if this does happen, cleanse thoroughly).
A good way to avoid this is to use the knife inside the abdominal wall,
blade facing toward you, and making cautious progress.

Make a cut around the anus, or “bung”, and tie it off with twine. This
also prevents contamination, keeping the body from voiding any material
left in the bowel. With a saw, cut through the pubic bone, or “aitch”.
The lower body is now completely open, and you can begin to pull the
organ masses (large and small intestines, kidneys, liver, stomach) out
and cut them away from the back wall of the body.

For the upper torso, first cut through the diaphragm around the inner
surface of the carcass. This is the muscular membrane which divides the
upper, or thoracic, and the lower abdominal cavities. Remove the
breastbone, cutting down to the point on each side where it connects to
the ribs, and then sawing through and detaching it from the collar
bone. Some prefer to cut straight through the middle, depending on the
ideas you have for cuts in the final stages. The heart and lungs may be
detached and the throat cut into to remove the larynx and trachea. Once
all of the inner organs have been removed, trim away any blood vessels
or remaining pieces of connective tissue from the interior of the
carcass, and wash out thoroughly.

Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now ready to
begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder, and remove the arm
bone, the humerus, from the collar bone and shoulder blade. Chop the
hand off an inch or so above the wrist. Most of the meat here is
between elbow and shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and
due to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm. Another way of
cutting this portion is to cut away the deltoid muscle from the upper
arm near the shoulder (but leaving it attached to the trunk) before
removing the limb. This decreases the percentage of useable meat on the
arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when excising the shoulder
blade. Purely a matter of personal preference. Cut into and break apart
the joint of the elbow, and the two halves of each arm are now ready
for carving servings from. Human flesh should always be properly cooked
before eating.

Halving the Carcass: The main body is now ready to be split. Some like
to saw straight through the spine from buttocks to neck. This leaves
the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae on the end of the ribs. The
meat here however is tightly wrapped about the bone, and we find it
more suitable (if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus, our
preferred method is to completely remove the entire backbone by cutting
and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on through.

Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down, unless your
preparation table or butcher block is very short. This is inadequate,
and you will have to quarter while hanging, slicing through the side at
a point of your choosing between rib cage and pelvis. Now is also the
time to begin thinking about how you would like to serve the flesh, as
this will determine the style of cuts you are about to make. These will
also be greatly affected by the muscular configuration (physical
fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the feet off at a point about
three inches up from the ankle. The bones are very thick where the leg
connects to the foot. You will want to divide the side of meat into two
further principal portions: the ribs and shoulder, and the half-pelvis
and leg. In between is the “flank” or belly, which may be used for
fillets or steaks, if thick enough, or even bacon strips if you wish to
cut this thinly. Thin and wide strips of flesh may also be rolled, and
cooked to serve as a roast. Trim away along the edge of the ribs, and
then decide whether you will cut steaks from the flank into the thighs
and rump, and carve accordingly.

Cutting the Top Quarter: Although not actually 25% of the meat you will
get, this is designated as one-fourth of the carcass as divided into
major portions. You may trim away the neck, or leave it to be connected
with the shoulder, or “chuck”. The first major step with this mass is
to remove the shoulder blade and the collar bone. The best and easiest
way we have found is to just cut along the outline of the shoulder
blade, removing the meat on top and then dislocating the large bone. To
excise the collar bone make an incision along its length and then cut
and pry it away. Depending upon the development of the breast, you may
decide it qualifies as a “brisket” and remove it before cutting the
ribs. In the female the breast is composed largely of glands and fatty
tissue, and despite its appetizing appearance is rather inedible. The
ribs are the choice cut of the quarter. An perennial favorite for
barbecuing, you may divide into sections of several ribs each and cook
them as is, divide the strip in half for shorter ribs, or even carve
rib steaks if the muscle mass is sufficient.

Cutting the Lower Quarter: This is where most of the meat is, humans
being upright animals. The muscle mass is largest in the legs and rump.
The bulk is so comparatively large here that you can do just about
anything with it. The main pieces are the buttock or rump and the upper
leg, the thigh. Our typical division is to cut the leg off at the
bottom of the buttock, then chop away the bony mass of the knee, at
places two to three inches away in either direction. Before doing this,
however, you may want to remove the whole calf muscle from the back of
the lower leg, as this is the best cut in its area. The upper leg is
now ready for anything, most especially some beautiful, thick round
steaks. The rump will have to be carved from the pelvis in a rather
triangular piece. The legs attach at the hip at a forward point on the
body, so there will be little interference as you carve along the curve
of the pelvis. Remaining meat will be on the thighs in front of the
pelvis.

And that’s basically it. An average freezer provides plenty of storage
space, or you may even wish to build a simple old-fashioned smokehouse
(just like an outhouse, with a stone firepit instead of a shitter).
Offal and other waste trimmings can be disposed of in a number of ways,
burial, animal feed, and puree and flush being just a few. Bones will
dry and become brittle after being baked an oven, and can be pulverized.

[Reply] #2
11-05-2010 02:59 PM
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hannibal_Lecter ^
^
^
^

[Reply] #3
11-05-2010 03:05 PM
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“im still here but you dont have to talk to me”-CosmicMadroxPrime

[Reply] #4
11-05-2010 03:06 PM
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CosmicStatus wrote:

Fix’d

Edited 11-05-2010 03:07 PM by Ghost of Faggotry
[Reply] #5
11-05-2010 03:07 PM
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MMMmmMMmmM
R3 can’t wait for those penis sausages.


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[Reply] #6
11-05-2010 03:35 PM
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Nice, thanks man, been looking for a tut like this.


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[Reply] #7
11-05-2010 03:38 PM
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Dead Head
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PERFECT!
Now I can finally start to boil those meaty hand fingers without messing up! Mm mm mm, can’t wait to once again taste human flesh.


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Reunite with your loving wife and daughter.

[Reply] #8
11-05-2010 03:41 PM
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WTF?

[Reply] #9
11-05-2010 03:47 PM
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i think i did all those steps wrong...


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“im still here but you dont have to talk to me”-CosmicMadroxPrime

[Reply] #10
11-05-2010 05:05 PM
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I__I

[Reply] #11
11-05-2010 05:27 PM
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“im still here but you dont have to talk to me”-CosmicMadroxPrime

[Reply] #12
11-05-2010 06:55 PM
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bugeye straight X_X

[Reply] #13
11-06-2010 04:44 AM
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Goop


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[Reply] #14
11-06-2010 06:21 AM
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FireWolf81
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Sweet.

Informative and easy to follow.

Pity humanity looks down on the consumption of human flesh..with meat being so damn expensive in the USofA and so many dudes and chicks killin em selves, why not butcher them up for food.

sounds like a viable option to me.


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CHECK ME OUT ON FW DESIGNS

[Reply] #15
11-06-2010 08:26 PM
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Dead Head wrote: PERFECT!
Now I can finally start to boil those meaty hand fingers without messing up! Mm mm mm, can’t wait to once again taste human flesh.


Finger food anyone?
Couldn’t help it.
They say it tastes like sweet pork.


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Piercing the heart of man,i leave my master’s mark.

[Reply] #16
11-06-2010 08:43 PM
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Now I know how to make my fingers taste better now!


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[Reply] #17
11-06-2010 08:44 PM
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tl;dr

[Reply] #18
11-07-2010 01:18 AM
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FireWolf81 wrote: Sweet.

Informative and easy to follow.

Pity humanity looks down on the consumption of human flesh..with meat being so damn expensive in the USofA and so many dudes and chicks killin em selves, why not butcher them up for food.

sounds like a viable option to me.



LOL I figured your fucked up frame of mind would think something of that nature.


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[Reply] #19
11-07-2010 01:42 AM
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Pig knuckle


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[Reply] #20
11-07-2010 01:43 AM
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You faggots really love those cock meat sandwiches.

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