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A small descriptive story I wrote...

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Topic Review (Latest First)

Posted by THE STORIES GREAT FULL STOP
22 Jun 2009 02:39 pm

I think this story is great! At the moment I’m 14 and couldn’t do better! so all those who are willing to challange this story are going to lose easily!

18 Jun 2009 07:03 pm

SHIT_HAPPENS wrote: As I was walking out into the small parking lot bloodied up with my lip feeling numb, my eye aching, and my head vibrating.. which occured from a fight. I fought for a girl that I liked since she was getting hit by fat and bulky bullies, as I saw what they were doing.. I quickly yelled at them to stop them from doing what they are doing. Suddenly all 3 of them ganged up on me pushing me back into a wall making me feel like my stomach was being pulled in because I was so nervous.
Once they have beaten me up I was just lying on the cold tarmac feeling ashamed and angry, it was cold.. my eyes would squint so they wouldn’t freeze and my fingertips felt like I was putting them into a pile of snow.
I then got up and ran to an abandoned and dark parking lot to think and ponder on why I even tried to help the girl. The wind started to become faster as my hair swept over my eyes and my arms crossed to give myself warmth..then I felt a nice fur coat jacket being put over me.
It was the girl I liked, she was covering my shivering body up with an extra jacket she had.. she then gave me a hug and made me feel like i’m at home. I could smell her nice orange and rose like perfume as she hugged me.
We both suddenly hugged eachother tight as I wrapped my arms around her, then we looked at eachother like we’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. She put her cold hands on my cheek and was slowly closing her eyes and pulling her face towards me.. I did the same thing and we connected our cold lips, the feeling of the kiss was like a very cold and wet feeling at the start of the kiss.. but when we relaxed the wetness and coldness feeling was gone. I had felt like everything that happened to me was fake and someone unexpectingly saved me from myself.

I remeber writing this story at the age of 13 just for fun...lol.



tl;dr

Posted by Rigles
18 Jun 2009 11:49 am

that is so lol i would even do better than u and im 11. U are alright at writing i suppose but better not get ur hopes up! anyway i spose i gota say congrats so thats ur applause! Bye Rigles Out

Posted by The Surfer
10 May 2009 05:15 pm

What was the point of repeating it?

Posted by machael small
10 May 2009 05:08 pm

As I was walking out into the small parking lot bloodied up with my lip feeling numb, my eye aching, and my head vibrating.. which occured from a fight. I fought for a girl that I liked since she was getting hit by fat and bulky bullies, as I saw what they were doing.. I quickly yelled at them to stop them from doing what they are doing. Suddenly all 3 of them ganged up on me pushing me back into a wall making me feel like my stomach was being pulled in because I was so nervous.
Once they have beaten me up I was just lying on the cold tarmac feeling ashamed and angry, it was cold.. my eyes would squint so they wouldn’t freeze and my fingertips felt like I was putting them into a pile of snow.
I then got up and ran to an abandoned and dark parking lot to think and ponder on why I even tried to help the girl. The wind started to become faster as my hair swept over my eyes and my arms crossed to give myself warmth..then I felt a nice fur coat jacket being put over me.
It was the girl I liked, she was covering my shivering body up with an extra jacket she had.. she then gave me a hug and made me feel like i’m at home. I could smell her nice orange and rose like perfume as she hugged me.
We both suddenly hugged eachother tight as I wrapped my arms around her, then we looked at eachother like we’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. She put her cold hands on my cheek and was slowly closing her eyes and pulling her face towards me.. I did the same thing and we connected our cold lips, the feeling of the kiss was like a very cold and wet feeling at the start of the kiss.. but when we relaxed the wetness and coldness feeling was gone. I had felt like everything that happened to me was fake and someone unexpectingly saved me from myself.

Posted by SHIT_HAPPENS
02 Feb 2009 10:43 pm

Cool, someone bumbed my 2 month old thread!

02 Feb 2009 10:02 pm

You introduced new facts at really weird moments in the sentence. Idk it just felt strange to read.

A bit crap but you were 13 I guess.

02 Feb 2009 09:27 pm

eh

Posted by sfydfydfydfydfydfydfydfydfyd
02 Feb 2009 09:25 pm

asdyddddddddddddddddduasy

Posted by Nhica
02 Feb 2009 07:11 pm

Nice story hope na sana you create more. congrats....

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