Kaitlin wrote: When I was around thirteen, I was diagnosed with OCD. This wasn’t too upsetting to me at the time, because my quirks and habits were fairly minor and didn’t interfere too heavily with my daily life.

In ninth grade, things got worse. On my first day of orientation, I immediately felt unclean in my new school, and I showered the instant I got back home. As school progressed, my phobia of my school (and all schools, for that matter) grew out of control. I couldn’t (and still can’t) touch things that have been inside that particular school district. I showered obsessively. I even reached a point where my showers after school lasted for three hours, scrubbing my skin until it was raw and bleeding. I finally gave up in the spring.

I transferred to a school for emotionally and sometimes mentally handicapped teenagers. Former drug addicts and alcoholics, kids with autism, that type of thing. My habits and phobias started to creep up on me. I screamed and fought everyday with my counselor until I finally left, two months after school had begun.

I avoided any type of school for the next few months, spending most of my days sleeping and crying off and on. I didn’t eat a lot. I lost friends.

The law caught up with me and knew I was skipping out. I signed up for an online high school. I was unmotivated and rarely did the work, I missed the social aspect of school. I half assed the year, but managed not to drop out.

I wasted my summer, again crying most of the time and feeling confused. In the fall, I dropped out of the online program.

I decided to obtain my GED. I went to the classes, took the test, and got my diploma in the mail just weeks ago.

My dad is always on the road. He’s home on weekends, but usually works. If he isn’t working, he’s drinking with his friends. My mom goes to work at five in the morning, so I am left in charge of my little brother most nights. He’s autistic and doing poorly in school.

Because of my history with depression, my parents don’t want me to get a license. I ask constantly if I can take a bus to the places I want to go, but my mom usually says she’s too tired to give me a ride to the bus station in town.

I’ve applied for several jobs, but feel I’m at a disadvantage because of my GED and overall poor school records. I also can’t apply to places I feel I’d do well at, because of the aforementioned transportation problem.

I have maybe three friends. One that I often avoid because she attends the high school where all my problems began. I feel terrible about it, because she tries to be helpful, but when I’m with her, I am reminded of everything I have lost and missed out on.

My other friends live fairly far away. I talk to them on a weekly basis, but it isn’t the same.

I spend every day at home, save for days when my mom runs to the mall, or I get the energy to walk up and down the street. I sleep all day and don’t eat a whole lot. When I get up, I feel like falling over.

My parents try, but they work often and simply don’t have the money or resources to help me.

I am completely lost and have no ambition and no dreams.

I am lonely.

A lost soul wrote: Who here has seriously contemplated suicide? Anybody? I’ve been thinking about it all morning long. It’d be pretty easy, there’s a handgun out in my brother’s truck. I can get it with no problem. The only thing preventing it is fear. Fear of death and fear of hurting the few that actually do care about me...

I’m in love with a girl. She says she loves me too, but within the past month I’ve began doubting her. I can’t go into detail, for reasons of privacy. But she’s done some questionable things. I don’t think she really cares like she claims to. She’s certainly never spilled a tear for me. But I’ve been crying about her nearly every day for the past 3 weeks. I want to tell her how she’s made me feel. But I’m afraid I’ll upset her. Afraid that she really does love me and I’ll make her upset.

She’s all that I have. I don’t have any friends and I don’t like my family. All I want is to be with her, but I can’t and I’m not even sure if she wants it anymore.

I just want to end this pain. Somehow. I’m beginning to hate love, it’s brought me happiness but more than that it’s brought me pain. I feel like my heart has been ripped in two right now because of things she said to me two weeks ago. We haven’t really talked since then. I really need to talk to her right now.. Not to tell her all of this.. But to just talk to her.

princess081 wrote:

hi..

Noting wrote: Who am I? I got a name! but later i forget my name?
Who am I? I’m human I’m boy I’m man I’m everythings
who am I? who invent I this word? how the “I” this word come out! izzi I is the perception which is same as we perceive the colour? because I perceive so I call perception.......what is perception? because it perceive so it call perception.It’s perceive blue coulour as blue coulour perceive “I” as “I”...izzit perception constant or inconstant ? inconstant? so izzit perception regard is what am I? later we congize what we perceive...like izzit this one is blue colour? No right?? because it cognize so we cognize.....izzit this is “I”?no right? congize constant or inconstant? inconstant so is not I not what am I.....