UBER 1337 Poster Rep: 20  Joined: 26 Aug 2005 Posts: 4,727 OFFLINE | I’ve played through the vast locales and odd worlds of The Legend of Zelda series. All seemed rather quaint and normal, nothing too out of the ordinary for a fantasy world. Many characters would be energetic, normal, or lethargic, but no one truly would disturb you to any great degree. At least, that’s how it was for a time.
Then came Majora’s Mask, and with it, the infamous Tingle. This man stares down the edge of sexual preference, claiming to be a fairy, but is really a chubby bub who has fantastic cartographic skills. He hovers on a balloon in Majora’s Mask, and then watches over his man-slaves as they toil for no true reason in Wind Waker. All the while, his green leotard and confetti continues to keep him on the top as one of the most disturbing Zelda characters around.
However, as of Twilight Princess, he has a rival.
Deep into the game, when I decided to finally explore the world of Hyrule, I stumbled upon an alley-way in Castle Town I had not noticed during previous romps through the town. As I ran down the alley, I ran across a stone house with a strange male figure staring through the window. Next to the house’s door was a sign that said “Agitha’s Castle”. Now, the mere name of this domicile was odd enough, more resembling a lower-class home than a castle of any sort. My curiosity piqued, I entered.
My eyes noticed purple all too quickly. The strange music happily playing in the background gave me an odd feeling, being that the room was somber, not peppy. I also peered upon a tree, planted smack in the middle of the room, for a reason I did not know of. I also realized, after seeing the resident, that the man outside was likely a stalker, and his recent activities were things I wished not to think about.
The resident was a young girl, who I correctly assumed was Agitha, the “castle’s” regal figure. She bore a floral dress and pigtails, quite adorable I have to admit. The strange part of her appearance was not her size nor her dress, but the butterfly wings on her back...I figured she felt she was a fairy and that maybe she was, God forbid, related to Tingle. To my fortune, she was not related to Tingle, but then again, calling it fortune would be too presumptuous.
I decided to converse with her, and learned the enigmatic purpose of the numerous golden bugs I had stumbled upon during my endeavors. Her story was that she had invited twenty-four of them to a ball, stating she was their queen. She wished not to be lonely, and wanted to become closer to her citizens. I was already partially disturbed, as she had been referring to herself a bit in the third person and felt she had a relationship with the insect kingdom, one deeper than nature would ever intend. Her house itself was creepy, decorated with many things that one would find in a biologist’s home.
Still, I had a duty to attend to, so I handed her my first bug, an ant. She gave an odd moan when it mysteriously hovered over my gloved palm, and I felt she may break down and pleasure herself, at which point I would run away. But no, she merely spoke adorable words to the ant, as if it were her best animal friend, and off it went to live on the tree. I later left to find more bugs, and recieved a letter, that was entirely in the third person.
Its contents were, I had to say, disturbed. She dreamed of a flight over the Town, with numerous butterflies. She waved to people, and they waved back, and she was happy for a while. Then, when the butterflies carefully placed her back to the Earth, she felt sad and awoke from her slumber to the desire for flight with her friends. She became an oddity I could not ignore, and for some unknown reason, I continued to agitate this disturbed obsession.
I found a snail, and this is where I officially dubbed Agitha as insane. I gave her the bug, and she did her little moan. Then, out of her mouth came the oddest and most disgusting excuse to make hentai I have ever heard:
"...I want to bathe in your slime..."
I cried inside, deeply. Not only was she already a nut, but this recent discovery made me realize, Tingle has a title to defend. I never thought Nintendo to be the ones to smoke the divine bong that most other Japanese entertainers seemed to, but they had. She also made mention of butterfly powder and riding a ladybug, and it didn’t help her case.
I leave you with more bugs to discover, but I must say, Tingle and Agitha are only precursors to the far creepier that Nintendo has in store for us... ---
 
Haruhi demands you join the MvC OtakusLast edited 17 Jan 2007 04:35 pm by RageOverdose |
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