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Check out my poem.....what do you think of it?

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[Quote] #1
11 Apr 2007 09:18 pm
UBER 1337 Poster
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rip my hair from side to side
paint my lips with bloody flowers
tread on me with razor’s edge
dice me into flowing threads
string my heart to my chest
fill my wounds with grains of salt
laught at me with manic eyes
bite my skin with morbid vigor
sketch lines of destruction upon my soul
drown me with liquid gold
pour it through my nose and tears
watch me cry diamonds streaming down
rip off my ears and shove in my mouth
so I can taste my screams
and hear my dreams
through nightscapes above this terror I live
and teach me to tongue this dreadful beast
atop my spirit, bearing down
savagely ripping my corpse apart
just know that forever, you captured my heart
black as it may have turned
charred from the burns of your lies
leave me for dead, I’m in no need now
despair has been tracking me down
waiting to pounce and kill me dead
since you knew just how
by telling me love, and living a lie
your place will tarnish your very being
for manics in self-deception die a hollow death
invisible to all, with many regrets
and I know that I am one, because I’ll
haunt you now until existence decays
and leaves us all in a state of dismay
(except me)

---
~Zombie Troll~
[Quote] #2
11 Apr 2007 09:18 pm
Who Dares Wins
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gay

---

Zucas wrote: Gaming is E for everyone.

Zucas wrote: Jk,but seriously.
[Quote] #3
11 Apr 2007 09:20 pm
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your gay

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~Zombie Troll~
[Quote] #4
11 Apr 2007 09:21 pm
Regular
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Edger Allen Poe... whoa, wha i say? glare Nevrmin...

---
Damn Locust...

It’s the same shit every day...
[Quote] #5
11 Apr 2007 09:23 pm
Who Dares Wins
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lol

It’s my poem wink

---

Zucas wrote: Gaming is E for everyone.

Zucas wrote: Jk,but seriously.
[Quote] #6
11 Apr 2007 09:25 pm
Regular
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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Oh my God itz killa... like omg...

*gets bored and leaves*

---
Damn Locust...

It’s the same shit every day...
[Quote] #7
11 Apr 2007 09:25 pm
Live like an angel, die like a devil
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Creepy, in a good way.

---
[Quote] #8
11 Apr 2007 09:27 pm
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fuckyfuckerfuckingmcfuckfuck69 wrote: Creepy, in a good way.

YAY I didn’t understand the rest of the comments really :S

---
~Zombie Troll~
[Quote] #9
11 Apr 2007 09:30 pm
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its a bit long, and OTT gothy...

I, like, know these goths?
and they would, like, get bored and like.... die
if they had to listen to someone recite that...


(see what I did there? with the 'prep' talk...
oh ho! a pun!)

if I read every 5th or 6th line..... ah yes, much better, thumbs up.

---
I’m a Victorian metalhead, pleased to meat you.
[Quote] #10
12 Apr 2007 12:39 am
that dude
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*Gets lighter*

To long and boring...

---
Almost 2 years being here
[Quote] #11
12 Apr 2007 12:50 am
The Dog-Mod!
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Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 18,414
I like it. sets the mood rather well.
Has a slight flow problem with the verses not quite gelling well in some places, but part from that. Quite good.

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[Quote] #12
12 Apr 2007 03:55 am
I created "The Pain Series". Now u die
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poems suck cuz i suck at poems

okies al try NOt to sound like the likes of teeny gelz

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“A few more “victories” and the U.S. will be bankrupt.“

Es ist hoffnungslos...
[Quote] #13
12 Apr 2007 03:41 pm
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THE_PAIN wrote: poems suck cuz i suck at poems

okies al try NOt to sound like the likes of teeny gelz

lol awe..

---
~Zombie Troll~
[Quote] #14
12 Apr 2007 03:49 pm
I created "The Pain Series". Now u die
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
Posts: 7,720
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I like you , do you like me ?


Geez .. Borat’s gona kill me .. .. too many ppl wanting to that anyways, im in line too ! erj eehrojerggtk tet
er
ere
teter
t

yyiu
u
ouio uioy
5t5ryt
t
yu76
u
yui
yi
yui
u
ui
u
u i
uiyu
i yu
iy *SYSTEM OVERLOAD*


...........not

biatch

---
“A few more “victories” and the U.S. will be bankrupt.“

Es ist hoffnungslos...
Last edited 12 Apr 2007 03:49 pm by THE_PAIN
[Quote] #15
12 Apr 2007 03:51 pm
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yes of course i like u smiley

---
~Zombie Troll~
[Quote] #16
12 Apr 2007 04:06 pm
I created "The Pain Series". Now u die
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Joined: 26 Sep 2005
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good now i dont have to kill myself

---
“A few more “victories” and the U.S. will be bankrupt.“

Es ist hoffnungslos...
[Quote] #17
12 Apr 2007 04:07 pm
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YAY

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~Zombie Troll~
[Quote] #18
12 Apr 2007 04:09 pm
LoL' WuT?
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Posts: 20,209
what a different type of poem...

i don’t know how to take it...lol
smiley

---
[Quote] #19
12 Apr 2007 04:13 pm
I created "The Pain Series". Now u die
Rep: 14thumbs-up



Joined: 26 Sep 2005
Posts: 7,720
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livingdeadgirl wrote: YAY



*sniff*


some1 really cares!




*oh my god, there i go again*

im hungry

---
“A few more “victories” and the U.S. will be bankrupt.“

Es ist hoffnungslos...
[Quote] #20
12 Apr 2007 04:23 pm
dead man
Guest
that poem sucks, you are living dead girl and i am dead man, are we related??????

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