Remeber the guy who wrote the 10 things atheists and theists must agree on? He also wrote this wicked funny internet novel.
Selection:
The first thing that was strange was when they cut to the two-shot of Danny Wexler and the anchor, Danny’s face was black. I saw immediately why Krissy thought he was wearing a mask when she first saw him. At first glance it did look like he had on a black ski mask, one without the eye holes, look a second longer and you might think he had painted his entire head black. And when they cut to the closer one-shot of his head, you could see that Danny Wexler appeared to be a statue carved from solid shadow. Only John and I saw this, of course, because the other anchors didn’t react in horror. Or at least, not until Danny Wexler opened his mouth:
“I’m Danny Wexler and this is Channel 5 sports! The (undisclosed) football team has been raped in the ass by fate once again, booted from the first round of the playoffs as they failed to carry their inflatable turd past a chalk line in the grass as often as their opponents did. Here’s Hornets quarterback Mikey Wolford, flopping that right arm around like a retard while he tries to pass to a teammate that apparently only he can see. Aaaaand, it’s intercepted. Nice pass, ‘tard! Now here’s Spartans fullback Derrick Simpson, pumping those nigger thighs down the field like pistons on a machine designed for cotton picking. Ooh, nice tackle attempt there, Freddy Mason! You run like you’re taking it up the ass. I bet you could tackle that fullback if he was made of dick, couldn’t you, Freddy? But, he’s not, so final score, 41-17. May every Spartan die with a turd on his lips. All hail Korrok.”
Danny didn’t get to read any more highlights, as the newscast abruptly switched back to a visibly shaken anchor woman, who announced they would be right back. Commercial.
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