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12


A man visits his doctor complaining of uncontrollable flatulence. The doctor tells him to undress, then leaves the room. Moments later he returns carrying a long pole with a hook on the end.

“My God!" says the man, in terror. “What are you going to do with that?"

“I’m going to open a window," cracks the doctor. “It stinks in here."

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hmmm warrior or diplomat?

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13


A man has been visiting Cuba for a week. He’s leaving the next day and still hasn’t tried much of the local food, so he goes to a restaurant and sits down to order. He notices the guy next to him eating a delicious-looking meal.

Calling over the waiter he asks for the same meal as that man, but the waiter informs him that there’s none left. He asks him what it is and the waiter replies, “Those are the testicles of the bull that lost the fight earlier in the day, if you come back tomorrow we’ll save the dish for you."

So the man extends his trip for another day and goes back the following afternoon and the waiter has his food prepared for him. He eats the meal and calls the waiter over. “That meal was delicious; the only thing is, it seems to be a lot smaller than the meal the other man at yesterday."

“Ah, well, I’m sorry sir, but sometimes the bull wins."

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14


A depressed-looking regular enters a bar and orders a Coke. The bartender asks why he doesn’t want his usual shot of whiskey.

“I quit drinking," the man replies. “Last night I blew chunks."

“What’s so horrible about that?" the bartender asks. “Everyone gets sick once in a while after a long night of drinking."

“No, no," the man replies. “You don’t understand. Chunks is my dog."

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15


Pinocchio and his girlfriend are in bed, doing what wooden puppets do, when she suddenly sighs. He asks her why, and she replies, “You’re probably the best lover I’ve ever had, but every time we make love you give me splinters."

This remark bothers Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he seeks advice from Gepetto, who suggests a bit of sandpaper might “smooth out” Pinnochio’s relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanks his creator and goes on his way.

A couple of weeks later, Gepetto runs into Pinocchio at the hardware store, where his little wooden friend is buying every package of sandpaper the store has in stock.

“So, Pinocchio," Gepetto remarks, “things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?"

“Girls?" says Pinocchio, “Who needs girls?"

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i wanna be Warrior! i wanna say negative things in topics!

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16



A blonde in a convertible is speeding down the highway when she gets pulled over by a female police officer, who also turns out to be a blonde. She walks up to the convertible and asks to see the blonde’s drivers license.

Confused, the blonde asks, “What does a license look like?"

Eager to help, the officer happily responds, “It’s that thing in your purse with your face on it."

The blonde begins searching through her purse and finally pulls out a mirror. She flips it open, sees her own reflection and figures that must be it. After handing it over to the officer, the officer carefully looks at it says, “Oh, I’m so sorry. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn’t have pulled you over!"

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Start getting your rank up than..

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ok

1!!!!!

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2!!!!!!!!

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17


A man takes his wife to the county livestock show, and they head down the aisle that houses the bulls. The sign on the first stall states, THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR.

The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year. Isn’t that nice!” After passing a bull that had mated 65 times, she grinningly quips, “You could learn from this one!”

They reach the last bull, whose ownder is stroking the massive beast’s head. “How many times has your bull mated this year?” asks the wife.

“This here’s the pride of the County: 365 times, ma’am.”

The wife’s jaw drops, and she turns to her husband. “Wow! You could really learn from this one. You should ask him what his secret is!”

The fed-up man turns to the breeder and says, “Hey, was it all with the same cow?”

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wat topics shud we go to war with?

3!!!!!!

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Lol.

You already have like 5 posts or so.

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18


Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day, when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, “Convert to Catholicism and get $10."

One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”

“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”

Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”

Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”

With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.

“So,” asks Abe, “did you get your ten dollars?”

Murray looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think about?”

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oy yah


goes counting....

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19


A man was invited to a friend’s home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, and so forth. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.

While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, “I think it’s wonderful that after all these years you still call your wife those cute little pet names.”

His buddy hung his head. “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago.”

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ok 9 including this one

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20


A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home, the man informs his wife of his new purchase.

“Olympic condoms?”, she asks, “What makes them so special?”

“There are three colors,” he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”

“What color are you going to wear tonight?” she asks cheekily.

“Gold of course,” says the man proudly.

The wife responds, “Really, why don’t you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change.”

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10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i move up

better start posting negative things in the furry topic

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wonder if we hav to wage war wid skittles or somthin