jokes

Jesus is Awesome

Guest

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. “Sorry," the man replies, “he’s not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. “No," he insists, “he’s not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

“Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" “Don’t worry about it." the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist."

Copyright of Aha Jokes© 2005

warrior 1992

Guest

cool

Ladya

Guest

has anyone here heard those 'baby' jokes... they are kinda mean/gross...but funny...

Ladya

Guest

like..um....whats red, bubbling, and taps on glass....( a baby in the microwave)

Whats funnier than spinning a baby on a clothesline at 200 m/ph...(stopping it with a shovel)

Why do u put a baby inthe microwave feet first...( so you can see its expression)

P.S i didnt make these up myself

Regular
Rep: 0

Joined: 07 Jul 2005
Posts: 282
OFFLINE

those are stupid and not funny

Loren

Guest

thats just sad

silver surfer

Guest

you sick little monkey (Ladya)

Savage Boi 206

Guest

This might be racist, so please, don’t get mad at me.

(Q) Why can’t mexicans have barbicues?
(A) Because they’re beans would fall out.
(Q) What is a mexican fortune cookie?
(A) A taco shell and a fod stamp.

....If anyone thinks that this is racist, I’ll defintly stop doing this, I just thought that it was a little chuckle here and there.

THNX!

Loren

Guest

im a tad racist

Loren

Guest

well since no one is replying i’ll go have my steak tea, bye snobs,lol

nunu

Guest

A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON’S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED
WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.

THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE
BED.

IT WAS ADDRESSED, “DAD”.

WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ
THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:

DEAR DAD,

IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I’M WRITING THIS.
I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED
TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.

I’VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS
SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER
TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES.

BUT IT’S NOT ONLY THE PASSION DAD, SHE’S PREGNANT
AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY.
EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T CARE FOR HER AS SHE
IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER
IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE
WHOLE WINTER.

SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN
WITH ME AND THAT’S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.
BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN’T REALLY HURT ANYONE
AND WE’LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING
IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT.

IN THE MEANTIME, WE’LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE
FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE
DESERVES IT
!!
DON’T WORRY DAD, I’M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE
CARE OF MYSELF.

SOMEDAY I’M SURE WE’LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN
GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

YOUR SON, JOHN

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I’M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOR’S

HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE
ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD
THAT’S IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER. I LOVE YOU!








CALL WHEN IT’S S!AFE FOR ME TO COME HOME

Sweet dreams are made of this

Guest

ok this isnt a very good joke but ill say it anyways:

A man goes to visit his gay partner, sam but as soon as he arrives he starts getting done up the ass on his sams bed. When they are done, sam tells him to NOT wank on his bed because he’d just changed the sheets from last time, and that he needed to go out and get some milk and will be back in a few, the guy agrees. 5 minuits later, sam returns to find cum all ova the bed and so,angrily asks the guy why he wanked when he asked him not to, the guy answers
" I didnt wank...I farted."

weird guy

Guest

that is nasty.

Ladya

Guest

HAHA (nunu) thats a funny joke

nunu

Guest

glad you liked it Ladya

Ladya

Guest

Do you have any other ones like it ?

Wannabe
Rep: 0

Joined: 22 Jul 2005
Posts: 54
OFFLINE

thats a good one.

nunu

Guest

hmm... let me see..
FIRST DAY AT JOB

A man joined a big Multinational company as a trainee.

On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone," Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: “you fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?"
“No”, replied the trainee.
“Its the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" the MD responded.
The man shouted back," and do you know who you’re talking to, you fool! ?"
“No”, replied the MD.
“Thank God!"' replied the trainee and hang up the phone

i hope you like this one lolz

Ladya

Guest

lol that one was funny too.

nunu

Guest

yea it is..hehe..
herez another one...



A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.

“I’m afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

“I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, “I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

“Coz," he replied laughing, “I just love hearing it..."