jokes

rysn

Guest

heres one i bet we all heard but its hilarious A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

Ladya

Guest

HAHA (rysn)no i have never herd that one before.. it was funny i cant think of any good jokes

india4life

Guest

what do you say when you see ur silver plasma screen tv floating in the dark.
























put down my tv, nigger!

Ladya

Guest

i finally have a joke, i am sorry to the blondes that read it and take offense to it.

There is a blonde a brunette and a red head all stranded oin this island, it was 20 miles to the shore. the red head said i will go for help seeing i can swim the best, she swam 5 miles and drowned. the brunette swam next, she got 10 miles out and drowned. the blonde went last she got 19 miles out and got too tired so she swam back.

nunu

Guest

I am Tired,
Yes, I’m tired.

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on iron- poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living.


But now I found out, it ain’t that.


I’m tired because I’m overworked.


The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.



You and me.


Bummer..


And you’re sitting there reading this. No wonder I’m tired

rysn

Guest

what the fuck

free willy

Guest

does anyone know any good jokes

nunu

Guest

A Really bad day!
ps. the funny thing comes in the last

A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry."

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

free willy

Guest

that jokes awesome whered you here dat

nunu

Guest

Glad you liked it free willy
well i heard from a friend of mine.

free willy

Guest

ave you got any more n r u a boy or girl

nunu

Guest

ive got lots of jokes but i need time to remember ...i post them as soon as i remember

im a girl

ive posted some very funny jokes in the previous pages in this topic if you are not lazy you can search lolz

free willy

Guest

i just started to look through some of the jokes on page 1 and they aint funny their hilarious

nunu

Guest

take a look at the third page and see my jokes ..under nunu ...i hope you like them

free willy

Guest

they were funny as hell i liked the last one best how old are you

nunu

Guest

Really glad you found them funny!
im 15 ...and you?

free willy

Guest

i got a pretty good joke
what does a gay rooster say


any cock ll do

tha niggler is gay

Guest

Wat did the fingers say to the face






SLAP!

tha niggler is gay

Guest

have u heard the joke about the black guy in collage
























Neither have I!

nunu

Guest

lolz
you cant bring that dog into this bar

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog” “Oh man " the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on me” The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy waks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him, stops him and says “You can’t bring that dog in here unless you tell him it’s a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says “Hy you can’t bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies “This is my seeing-eye dog” The bartender says, “No, I don’t think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies “What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?" :P